In my area I regularly see examples of people experiencing problems with the processing of loss of loved ones. This can lead to recurring sadness, problems with the energy level or failure at work and in the private situation. I recently received a client for whom this also applied. After losing her father (dying) and her boyfriend (due to a relationship breakdown), she ended up in crisis. This crisis was accompanied by not eating, hopping up emotions or very screaming / crying, arguing with or breaking relationships with loved ones. During the intake interview we mapped out her pattern and the loads (tensions that get stuck in the body as a result of unpleasant or traumatic events from the past), which led her to this crisis. These consist of wanting to make others happy and, as a result, her own emotions and not showing others how she feels. This included a lot of sadness and anger because, in the past and present, she did not feel seen or heard. Taking care of others has become her way of being there, of being seen. Her choice of school, she follows a training to become a caregiver, fits in with this! One day after the intake interview, she told me that our conversation ended the crisis because she understood how her pattern contributed to ending up in this crisis. She also ate again! In the meantime we have started to mix loads at the feeling center. She has indicated that she wants to determine the pace of the therapy herself. But during the process, her ability to grieve over her losses will increase. As well as the ability to take care of themselves. This post has of course been placed with the client's permission.

For twenty years I have struggled with love affairs. Well, struggled, I was not aware of the struggle. I regularly had girlfriends. It was fun and after a while I broke the relationship. Around the age of thirty something changed: around me I saw people going to live together, get married and have children. The women were all special! But after some time in the relationship I was overwhelmed by feelings of unrest, anger (especially at the other person), negative thoughts about myself such as 'I am not good enough' or 'I should do it alone'. Finally I ended the relationship. In every subsequent relationship that I had, this pattern seemed to manifest itself more emphatically. I began to understand that if I didn't change, I could go on with it for years to come! And I didn't want that ... From that moment on, a process started in which I started looking for a solution. I have visited various care providers. Despite all the good suggestions and tips, the feelings of unrest and anger remained. I was unable to stay out of this and stop the stream of thoughts. In 2012 I came in contact with my emotive therapist. In a few sentences he could explain the mechanism behind my thoughts and feelings to me. This is what he said: the trigger goes for thinking. In other words, if you get triggered (or get hit by a situation or event) then you cannot manage yourself with common sense. The mechanisms (anger, sadness, fear, feelings of unrest etc.) that you have taught yourself over the years take over. The reason for this is that these mechanisms often originated at an early age and are in the unconscious. They were created before the ego or common sense could develop. Common sense therefore "cannot reach this." In my case, the trigger was in establishing love relationships. The proximity of the other triggered the feelings and thoughts that I described. Because these thoughts were not pleasant and the feelings felt uncomfortable, I just left the contact. Sounds logical anyway! As a result, the conviction has developed over the years: "I will do it on my own." During the therapy we started to clear up loads (the feelings and thoughts). It was not necessary to go back to the past. We just started with the things that bothered me, the here-and-now. There was grief and sorrow about the struggle I had and the broken relationships. There were insights into how my personality has evolved over time through the unconscious feelings and thoughts. But most importantly, there was peace and freedom of choice! I now have a nice relationship and live together. Experience story written by the client. 30-7-2017

Summer is over, we are going back to work. You may be taking an exam this year at school, getting your driver's license or looking for a new job or relationship. For many people this means a new next step in life. For others nerves, anxiety, hyperventilation, crying or shaking. I used to work with a client, an ambulance driver, who suffered from the latest symptoms. In daily work, the client is not bothered by anything, during assessments and driving exams these symptoms arise. As you can expect, the quality requirements for ambulance employees are high! Assessments are dominated by theory exams, various simulated cases (and I let myself be told very realistic) and a driving exam. Anyway, it comes down to this, if you do not pass the assessment, then you cannot perform your function (temporarily). This caused the nerves that were needed, especially if you also suffer from what the client says, fear of failure. This fear of failure literally means 'the fear that I will not make it'. But also the inability to keep thinking (methodically) during the cases. This leads to hyperventilation, crying and shaking. Or, as the client called it 'a total blackout'. Two weeks before the assessment we did a problem-focused session on the fear of failure. This client had already completed the process therapy. In the days that followed, there was little evidence of the success of the session. The ego learns through experience and because the assessment has not yet been completed, the ego continues to respond in the old way. I received the biggest news when the client called me in the evening. The nerves, which have been bothering the client for 22 years at these moments, have not been present (outside the 'normal' nerves). One of the cases during the assessment could be better. Yet there was peace and the ability to act according to protocol and to support the colleague present. When I carefully asked if the client had noticed anything about hyperventilating, crying or shaking, the client said that for a moment he had the tendency to "panic himself." The client was even waiting for it. Until the client realized that it was no longer necessary. We call that an ego pattern that was successfully broken. What a nice result again from emotive therapy! Do you want to know what I can do for you? Then contact us. This article was written with the client's knowledge / approval.